Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Theme Thursday: Yellow Leaves

It was one of those moments when you get outside of yourself, not completely sure where you were. It felt like time-traveling; visiting myself from a past I had not remembered, to look at a present I had never seen. There was a huge gap between the two tenses, a gap in which now I was trapped.
I doubted everything, and nothing. I doubted the fact of my existence. But I did exist; I had an existence in space, and in time. After all, if I had not existed, why were all these guns pointed towards my head?
O life dear life! I had to cling to you. I had to hold you so tight, or else you would escape, and I would not exist. Then, you were not the times I sat and cried, but the times I would laugh at; you were not a dream I sighed at, but a reality to pursue; you were not a past that I dreaded, but I future I longed to and was afraid to lose.
Then, I doubted the feeling of pain that should have drowned everything else. But, the more I sipped of it, the more I grew apathetic. I ceased to feel my broken ribs, my lost teeth, the punches in the stomach, the dragging from hair. But I groaned. I screamed. I rolled in dirt begging them to stop. I was lost in intervals of unconsciousness when the world was somewhere else, and I was outside it all. I always knew the air had a scent that our noses merely grew numb to it.
Pain, it emptied you from all the unnecessary fillings, then you only saw yourself for who you were , or who you never had been .Like those big balloons emptied of air, then came caving in. They were small and fragile. I stood for nothing but life, dear life. I wanted nothing but life, dear life. Then, my humiliation meant nothing, my whimpers meant nothing, my betrayal meant nothing, for life meant everything. O life dear life, were you worth it?
I then was in a place where no guns pointed towards my head, in a time I did not know. Everything around me moved and I was the rock in that stream. Forever frozen. I looked at the yellowing leaves and doubted, couldn’t they be evergreen from inside? I then looked into myself and knew:  once yellow, you were always yellow. O life dear life, were you worth it?

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JP gave me The Snakeman Awesome blogger award. It's very special because he's the one who created it! He really is a creative person. Make sure you visit his blog where you will find his drawings, comics and writings.


  1. I believe that you won't fade with life Maha-someone who writes like you do will live forever.

    (If you can write pieces like this, you can definitely write a novel.)

  2. wow. what a ride...i was caught in your stream...marvelously written...and happy tt!

  3. "Oh, dear life" indeed. Very powerful..very moving.

  4. What a gift you have Maha....thank you for sharing....:-) Hugs

  5. I would not be a leaf for anything, not after this. Thanks.

  6. This is such a powerful piece. I especially like this:

    "It felt like time-traveling; visiting myself from a past I had not remembered, to look at a present I had never seen."

    Mine is here.

  7. once again such awsome writing love your style. Very um whats the word raw (note not right word) And other funny coincidence I'm also reading brve new world. so strange

  8. Incredible writing whilst fearing fading. You have a very pervious thing. AWARENESS. I serioulsy doubt that a person with such an awareness will fade. You are on your way and right there where you are supposed to be. Maybe this in between this your palce for learning what needs to be learned. I am here, I hear you. You go girl. Hugs from this side of the pond

  9. no way that you will fade Maha! this piece is very well written,you have all the tools to become a very very impressive writer,which i am certain you will! awesome read..i enjoyed every word,the topic is heavy,yet you handled it with maturity and depth!hats off young lady..:)