I try a lot to scream, but my tongue falls deep in my stomach, and I have not even the power to speak. So I don’t.
I squeeze my eyes shut and force a series of images to stare at them. They evoke no emotions. I try to remember where I left them, my emotions, but my memory constantly fails me and I wind up questioning the fact that I ever had any.
Something is wrong; I am not supposed to be sitting in here. I don’t belong here. I want to enter a coma, cut all that crap and wake up to find myself in the right body, possessing the right life. Or maybe I never existed, maybe I’m still in a dark womb dreaming another life to amuse myself till I come out to the light. But really, this is nothing like amusement.
Who exactly is the person typing this right now? The different masks that automatically fall and are replaced depending on the time of the day and the people around are way too many that they confuse out of my mind.
What is it that they say? Black is not a color at all, it’s lack of color whilst white is a color that waits to be filled with other colors. I wonder which one I really am.
Pain no longer hurts; it has long faded into the background of my life, a constant guest that completely paralyzed a part in my heart. The amount of damages exactly, I cannot estimate.
Do not blame me that you are all the same, do not blame that you allowed them to brainwash you, do not blame me for the fact that you are all coloned versions of the same person. Try to smother my word as much as you like, but I’ll always shout.
Can you hear me? Because I don’t.