Sunday, June 6, 2010


The photo was in black and white, but I could see your colors.

     Your eyes caught the light and let it fall effortlessly as it had no place in them. But still, parts of it remained. Reckless as you were, the world to you had no weight, for your center was so heavy, it sucked everything in.  Just like a black hole. Your familiar cloud of smoke made your halo as you whiffed deeply, yet with no concentration as though you had done this a thousand times before and with no intention of ever stopping. In fact, I wasn’t sure you saw a thing at all.
     I approached you, and my lungs instantly expelled your smoke letting out their protests as a violent fit of coughing. You looked up and laughed with your eyebrows were raised. I asked, “What’s the matter with you today?”
“What’s the matter with me today?” You quitted laughing, but your eyebrows were still raised, only in a manner that showed you knew the answer and were challenging me to find it out.
“You look so…so…"ــــ
Yes, away”
“I’m not away, I just wish to be away”
“And why is that”
“I’m in so much pain and I need to breathe”
My eyes wandered to your cigarette and you noticed. “Oh cigarettes……they don’t suck my air” Your face came with such proximity to mine I could feel your breath “People do.”
“And why are you in pain?”
“And does pain have a reason?”
“ I thought so”
“You are wrong then. Pain is the one thing people are entitled to feel without the least kind of reason. People try to tell you that others had it worse than you and still they went on. But the truth is, your pain is always the worst; you never feel anyone’s pain but yours. And feeling others’ suffering is nothing more than hearing an echo of as voice that screamed a hundred years ago.”
“And you are like onions.”
You smiled, confused. “People know there are so many layers to you,” I said, “but they are always afraid of pealing knowing that you always make them cry”
For once, you let down your cigarette, your eyes sparkling curiously and your lips let go of their sarcastic smile. You took another whiff and then moved your head away.
The photo was in black in white, and you had no colors at all.


  1. i've missed you, dear did your testing go for you??
    maha, this was wonderful...a glimpse into the thoughts that are obviously kept secret for reasons unknown..."and you are like onions", what an awesome visual!

  2. So glad to have you back! And this..well, this was fantastic. I loved the conversation-it was so deep and anguished.

  3. Disappointments... are just another part of life... so easily to become colourless at the eyes of, even, another black and white one...

    Happy you are back

  4. this was fantastic! I'm glad you're back tooo, I hope exams went well!

  5. A beautifully written tale, Maha, as always. You have such a philosophical insight, it is so true, "your pain is always the worst; you never feel anyone’s pain but yours"...a very poignant thought indeed.

  6. Oh, the beauty of pain! I could feel his while reading, and yours right after I had finished.

  7. Excellent! I absolutely love this one.

  8. "I'm not away. I just wish to be away."...very thought provoking!
    Glad to see you back. How did your testing go? I hope all is well.

  9. Thanks for asking about my tests. they went on well thank God.

  10. glad to see you back and to hear that your tests went well...a rather cold tale...perhaps the one thing that entices yet scares teh most is for one to peel the nicely written...

  11. Testing OK! GREAT!

    Peeling away the layers of the onion
    --ah, yes! The more layers taken off, the less we have to carry around

    As painful as it is to peel those layers, with the loss of each one, we learn more about ourselves, become more aware of what, who, why, when and much so, that none of that matters after a time.

  12. I thought this was very powerful.