Sunday, April 18, 2010

Dancing Fears

And so this was how fear felt …..
     A hand coming all the way from ambiguous depths to strangle the power of thought leaving only shredded syllables from smothered words. And you try to wriggle and escape its tight grip by fervent defiance, or memories of it, it tightens your grip around your throat. The venom spreads from your head all the way to your heart and leaves its hammering to torment you. And then, you are your own self’s worst enemy.
My legs are too feeble…
My vocal cords are taunted…
I am so tired…
     You are there, skeptical, dubious, incredulous. Impossible. But nothing ever is. The glory ignited in your veins, certitude devoured your head and today was impossible, a nightmare you shoved out of your thoughts to save your self’s an hour’s worry, a truth you overlooked letting the jubilance of  now, the jubilance of then, wrench you here. Here. Here. Here. Here….
    Yes! Here! Look at here! Listen to here! You are here!  Absolute Freedom’s ashes are cool now. The illusion of  absolute freedom’s ashes are cool now. You were never absolutely free. Never. Never. Never. Never….
    It’s one thought that beguiled you, one flame that sat the whole city on fire. Fool!  How dared you dream? But no! The ashes of yesterday are cool now, let me perceive today. Let me perceive here….
   You are imprisoned now, not by place, but by the no-place. Sinking, drowning without a hand to pick you up. It’s all darkness. It’s al blackness. It’s all nothingness. Quick, cling to something solid. Absolute freedom!  That was your dream, absolute freedom. But the scent of the word now has altered; the senses it used to sow in you grew to be poisonous plants fringing your grave. Escape from now, exist simultaneously in two places. At two times. Let your body linger in here amidst the disarray of thought, and send you soul faraway. Let it savor the unseen future of yesterday, the ominous torment of now. And then question….why absolute freedom?
      You weaved a dream out of the worn-out strings of life, adorning it until your eyes were bound to look and ask, “Why not touch it?” . But that is the case with dreams. Cunning, cunning dreams!
Come back now and ask yourself, “Are you  absolutely free?”

     Because there is no such a thing as absolute freedom. There is no such a thing as letting the chains melt beneath our feet. They tell you are free, they are lying. You are never free. When you want to spend the night out then find your whole body shaking in to fits of coughing, can you go? When you head for the supermarket and your favorite chips are not there, can you eat them? When you want to buy a house but you are out of money, can you buy it? When you are crying, can you stop the tears from flowing? Can you control you heartbeats? Can you stop your lungs? Can you? Can you? Then you are not ‘absolutely free’, you are ‘merely free’. Search not for absolute freedom, for you only taste it when you do not exist. You are alive, then do not ask for it. Do not dream it. Don’t! Don’t! Don’t! Pull the trigger! Abolish! Be absolutely free!
A Halt
     But why do you need to be ‘absolutely free’ Free is just enough. Why do you ask for the unconceivable? Why free isn’t just enough for you? Fool. Fool. Fool. Such a fool you are. You are your own self’s lasher, you are your own self’s biggest boundary. You cannot be absolutely free, you cannot be just free, so why not want the impossible because it’s just impossible.  Because you do not want that reflection of the coward burn you. Go there, dress your fear in pretty colours and watch it dancing before you eyes. Give it different names, and enjoy the variety. You need not be absolutely free, and neither does any living person. Because we are all too weak to handle it. Too weak.  You need not worry about controlling your lungs, just breathe. Count how many breaths you’ve taken in, and what have you done with them? Nonexistence is not the route to absolute freedom, absolute freedom is the way to nonexistence.


  1. As trapped as you may be, this piece feels freeing. To read. Beautiful.

  2. powerful, but i still want to be absolutely free. i like thinking there's something better than this typical freedom. am i a fool?

  3. We are all born into this humanity and therefore cannot be absolutely free. What a lovely, torturous piece.

  4. Hi Maha,
    Love the new colors of oranges, browns, and yellows, and the background photo is awesome, but I cannot see the text almost at all, so can't read this article.
    Can you change the text to something like the 'Dancing Fears' heading, I can see that, or other some other much lighter color?
    Regards, Peter

  5. mmm...nicely done. love the new back ground as well. for me this was about finding just a bit of that freedom by letting it all out...i liked it...

  6. "Give it different names, and enjoy the variety."

    I like that.

  7. oh girl, i was drawn into your abyss of torment and wonderings, wanting to scream out to you and assure you that freedom, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder!

  8. Thanks so much Peter for your suggestion. I've changed the color to a brighter one, hope it'll not bother you this way ;)

  9. Thanks Maha, I can see it now :)

    Perfect description of fear too, a hideous hand that snakes forth from the depths to take its strangle hold on us. I remember being like that, when my mind was so caught up in fearful churnings that I could not even think one thought to completion. I even concluded that I was my own worst enemy.

    Interesting ponderings about 'absolute freedom' - there are certainly many things we cannot control.

  10. I think freedom varies for individuals but what you have written is incredible and very thought provoking. I don't consider myself absolutely free but I do have more liberties and independence than woman do in many other countries. I also have responsibilities and obligations that keep me from just thinking of myself and my own desires and living for the day.

  11. nice one of my favorites of you'res


    week 14 the perfect poet award reminder,

    please let me know the poet you wish to nominate, one poet...

    check the link above to see the details.

  13. your writing is always so original and amazing. it's inspiring. thankyou. :) xx