As I sit waiting, I close my eyes and let the whishing sound of leaves paint thoughts within my head similar to those I have at the eerie minutes before sleeping when reality and dreams mingle and you can’t tell if you are awake. I feel the dust beneath me curdling. Seconds later, the train arrives and it starts pouring. I open my eyes to see you smiling, “It’s time to go,” you say. I carry my bag with one hand and with the other, try to hold the rain. It always slips away.
I press my head against the window. The moon is a crescent….it’s smiling at me. My breath falls on the glass and my eyes dart towards the seat before me where you are sleeping. I can see the air coming out of your nose. I draw a smiley face. With the sleeve of my jacket, I erase it and draw something else.
I hear your keys opening the door and scurry to it. Panting, you enter. I let my arms circle around you. Noticing how much weight you have lost I smile and say, “Finally, a diet has worked!” I feel an abrupt shiver running through your body. I look at your face and see a smile, too wide… too peculiar for it. “Yeah,” you reply and start whining about the heat. I don’t remember this until later.
The silence of your breaths still my lungs
I enter the train. Through the window, I see the moon, smiling from last year. I want to change it into a grimace but it won’t go upside down. I sit on the empty seat before me, and it’s still smiling. Tears escape my eyes. I was too stupid, life was never laughing with me, it was laughing at me.
Happiness is the seconds you hold the rain.