All through the day, there has been vulgar music coming out from somewhere down the street. It's easy to tell somebody was getting married. It was noisy and annoying, and nothing short of agonizing when I had to study having it as a background.
It's silent and still now. I have just hung up with my friend after having a prolonged conversation after which I reached the conclusion that even when I am okay, I am not okay. I also, for the thousandth time, kept on discussing how there is no chance for it to get better. At the end, I wound up lamenting my so-called adolescence.
I kept on repeating, " But I am sixteen." over and over again, as though trying to convince myself that life is still ahead of me. It made things worse, for here's how it is: I am sixteen and the last time I recall having fun in is three years ago; I have only one friend and it's because of my fastidious nature that does not accept to befriended with people who discuss nothing but the things that enter my very own category of "things unbearably stupid it makes me want to throw up;" I have not crushed on a guy, been crushed on by a guy-the very sound of it is weird-or had any remotely similair experience for like, more than three years and all is due to how this entire thing comes first in the list of things unbearably stupid it makes me want to throw up.
I am missing out on life .
Is this not just sad?
I have not contributed in the HBBC for a long time now. I was pretty delusional when I thought that "I will just when studying gets a little bit less tough" It is not, but yeah, I have changed my reasoning and am now living with it. So, perhaps Insha' Allah, I'll be able to post this time. I really with too.
There is Holy Quraan now playing outside. The sound of it is very beautiful. I think I am going to turn it on in the room and sleep.